Welcome back!

My new life began with: "wonderful things are only exists in my dreams, if i got something big, that's the miracle. just like people with beautiful eyes but so blind to see the difference between all the colors, and suddenly can see even the smallest things (with colors in it) without even trying" that's my life right now.
I lived it with a lots of pressure in my shoulders and tons of wishes in my heart, its like a guilty pleasure feelings. I'm so in the edge of cliff, if I stepped back I will be die, if I stepped forward.. I don't know, maybe I can be eaten by some eagles or the worst part, pretending like there's nothing happened, I shut my eyes and ears, let the wind whispers me, I should jump or stay.
So, I was like, walking in my new life. Forgetting 'bout my past and hoping that I can got some new experiences and maybe.... love.
But with the drum-stick on the background song like *DOO DOOM BAASSS* some of my new friends talking about him again and I was like: "Dude, I supposed to forgot him since I got my new life here? HOW AM I TO MOVE THEN?" why is he being our topic in all the time we spoke about some new chick we can have in this college life. SHIT. its not about my fuckin classmate love, anyway it gets super failed. I don't care anymore, whatever. its about this guy that loves/likes me?! (just like he like smoke, addicting to it?) fuckin don't know about it, he never try to get close to me instead of getting close he did being far away. And so I thought he was a coward.
I found that, I got interested on him. Like hell yeah, I stalk him everyday (but don't tell him ok?)................ but whatever, I'm so fuckin doomed already.
When I was around high school, when everyone seems so loveable and hateable in the same time, I couldn't find love. Yeah, well I have been fall in love in only 3 guys. One in my elementary school (maybe my first love?), one in my junior high school (this is a fuckin shit love), and in my high school (blooming and down like a flowers in spring day). I've mentioned so much boys in this blog but only 3 boys that catch my attention, my feelings and my tears.
There's these so much guys that fall in love with me but never show me their feelings, one guy that's what I'm talking about here, is REALLLLY WANTS ME, but never make move for it, and i'm falling in love with him too.. but it's never happening for us.


WHY?