I lost faith to the gravity..

"Its a habit — lying to myself, and to you all my friend. After a charming post last night, i thought i could finally get up again and fight another battle, but turned out im still pretty wounded. There is a desire, yes, deep inside. And i know i have to get back on track. But its just so hard. Its like i've lost my faith to gravity; i dont believe its power of keeping my feet on the ground anymore. Typical me — you'll say. But trust me, things has never been as easy as seen. Its like when im not mentally troubled, my physique breaks down. And reverse. And i am so, im telling you, so tired being like this.
This is a trap, and i don't know how to get out."

The texts above is from a blog that I subscribe and its represent my feelings. I've been lost my faith to the gravity recently and I don't know how to stand anymore. I just lost myself and hurting my heart again. I shouldn't doing this for saving my heart, its been wounded like a thousand times hoping that someday it'll be well soon but I know myself, won't forgive and forget easily. I'll be the one who's hurt again and I'm so tired of hurting myself.
And lately, seems like I got answer of all the questions in my head that he was never love me, he love someone else and I'm just a friend. That was never been 'us' in our relationship, its just only 'you and me'.
Once again, I hurt myself.



But, seriously.. I'll be face this things. I promise. I don't want to be a chicken, I used to hide my feelings deep inside tho. I hope the gravity will give me a power to stand up again.. please help me.. I'm tired of crying a river for someone that doesn't deserves me.
I don't wish for them to be dancing around me, please take them to get the hell away from me in order to recover.

I'm strong..
..the cold never bothered me anyway..